Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Drinking the distruction of all

I met my husband online 14 years ago, April 1st 2013 will be our 11 year anniversary. Has it been easy NO! for the most of the beginning it was great then comes kids, layoffs, bankruptcy, college and i cant forget DRINKING. And when i say drinking it was on both parts yet for different reasons. He was busy and stressed, i was lonely and angry. we pulled apart yet stayed together for the kids i think. 2 years ago i was so empty inside from him sleeping on the couch for the last 3 years and drinking nightly i finally did it. I filed for divorce. For the next 3 months we both sobered up, i was done even though i still loved him deeply. I prayed daily for God to show ME what i needed in my life, mind you i moved from Illinois to Texas two months after i met him online to be with him. YEAH! That's what i was thinki9ng at this time Shit what did i do? Well the weekend before the kids had to go back to school i was working (my vehicle is needed for work) it broke down on that Friday. After exhausting my efforts to call any of my friends to drive me on the mail route i had no one. I had just gave him a screaming session the day prior so i knew it would be a no from him, i called him anyway..... He was there to rescue me in 10 minutes, the same thing happened the next day with my car. for 3 days in a row of asking God to show me who i needed and he was the one kind enough to help me out the woman who was dragging him through hell i finally realized maybe i had made a mistake. So we started talking and then a couple weeks later he took me out on a date. See we never had those he was thrown in to a premade family with me and my 3 year old who he has been dad from day one. So a date was nice, as the weeks went on we finally decided to put the divorce on hold and try it again. We got counseling and it was only through that 2nd counselor that i realized what i had to do for me to be happy. See we often take our angers, stresses or celebrations as an excuse to drink. Our drinking was too much, we drink a beer here and there but we always seem to catch us before we get out of control. I am in control of only me and my reactions, if i start to stress now i just think can i change this situation yes or no. If yes then why stress just change it, if no then oh well nothing i can do why stress. I'm not going to say i never get upset of coarse i do i have 3 teenagers who act like retarded nut bags unless they want something so its normal. Whats different is we don't turn our drinking about each other, we learned how to communicate. We use to have knock down drag out fights that would last for days even a week, now we discuss what the problem is in a calm way. How is that possible you ask? We learned that our partners happiness is more important then our own in return we both want to make each other happy. We never saw that the first 12 years of our relationship. Of all i know now is i just want to love my husband because that's all he wants to do for me, all because we stopped using alcohol as self medication. 
live, laugh, love

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